Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
