Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
