Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
