just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
