worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
