and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
