3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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