It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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