i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
