Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
