I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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