Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
