i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
