dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
