Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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