i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
