I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
