my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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