Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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