Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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