btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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