Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
