I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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