my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
