Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
