She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
