so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
