You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
wow bdsm is so cute
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
