Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
