Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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