Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
where am i from again
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
