Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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