Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
