I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The best revenge is premature balding
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
