I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
