I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
