My hair reeks of homosexuality.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
