Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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