Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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