should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
