i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
