i think my tv is drunk
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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