how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
