can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
