how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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