Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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