do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
