wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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