ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
