glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Come share oat with me in your robe
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
