Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
