Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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