those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She tied me up with her honor cords...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
