Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
