did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
