so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
