So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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