If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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