I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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