textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Damn victory sex feels great
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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