you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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