note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
