I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
