I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
