I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
