pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
