I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
