You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
