I want to walk on stilts...naked
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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