I just pynch a tree in the face
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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