The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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