This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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