I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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