a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
