I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
